Yesterday I dropped one of my best friends from Indiana University off for her first day of Jewel. Mind you this is exactly one year after I went on Jewel, and it obviously changed my life; so maybe you can feel the excitement here?! It was so surreal to be back, but this time as alumni. I'm now that frum girl visiting Jewel and reliving her "glory days" on 6 Midbar Sinai.
Being back at the Jewel house got me thinking. It was just a year ago when I met my best friend (who is now married), I met my other best friend who is now a Jewel madricha on the program, and my life was just completely altered forever. I will admit that on seminary "tryout" day at Jewel I didn't go to Eyaht, but looking at my life a year in the past, only H-Shem could have known that this was where I would be today.
So while I may write about the struggles while they are happening (also the good times), I have never actually taken time to look at this full year of Yiddishkeit in perspective and from a distance. It is truly bitachon (trust in H-Shem) that helped me make every single decision along the way to get me to where I am holding today. I am so grateful to H-Shem for giving me a supportive family. Without their support and love, I would be no where. In addition to my family, I have the most wonderful group of friends, teachers, rabbis, and rebbetzins that a frum-girl-in-the-making could ask for!
This past year since my Jewel program has been one of ups and downs, but looking back at a glance, I see nothing but progression and growth in myself as a Jewish woman. There are no doubt going to be more ups and probably many more downs on this journey, but from where I stand, it's all looking pretty good.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Asara B'Tevet
Today was Asara B'Tevet, the Fast of the 10th of Tevet. Yehezkiel, one of the prophets, predicted that there would be a siege of Jerusalem on the 10th day of the 10th month in the year (when you count from Nissan) in which the actual siege happened. Today I learned from one of my teachers that Asara B'Tevet is a day in which we are actually fasting for three reasons: 1) the siege of Jerusalem, 2) it was on the 8th of Tevet that 70 scholars were forced to translate the Torah into Greek, and 3) on the 9th of Tevet Ezra, the last prophet, passed away.
So the big question in class today was: What is this fast all about? Obviously three very important occurrences happened on or around the 10th of Tevet, but what is the big idea behind the fast? While there are always a number of answers to the ame question, one of the ideas that was discussed really stuck with me. The idea that the 10th of Tevet is exactly 98 days after Rosh Hashanah, depending on how many days are in each month sometimes the 98th day can land on the 8th or 9th of Tevet as well, and there are 98 curses given in the Torah. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are times of judgement, but many people are unaware that the 10th of Tevet is also a time of judgement. It is the day in which it will be decreed whether or not the Beis Hamikdash (temple) will be rebuilt. It was the day on which it was decreed by H-shem that the Beis Hamikdash would be destroyed, which is the reason for the siege of Jerusalem, which eventually led to the destroying of the Beis Hamikdash. On this day of Asara B'Tevet, we have the ability to be judged by H-shem, and it is possible that He may decree that we start the period of time in which Moshiach comes and the Beis Hamikdash is rebuilt.
Chazal say that if you live in a time period where you do not get to live with the Beis Hamikdash, it is as if you lived in a period of time when the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed. I really got to thinking about this today, and I truly believe that with each action we perform, and each tefilla we daven we have the ability to get one step closer to Moshiach. We must always be aware that our actions matter, and especially on this day of Asara B'Tevet, H-shem is judging us, and the entire Jewish people rely on the judgement.
So may this Asara B'Tevet be the last in which we have to fast. May the next Asara B'Tevet be one with the Beis Hamikdash rebuilt, Moshiach and a large celebration commemorating the day!
So the big question in class today was: What is this fast all about? Obviously three very important occurrences happened on or around the 10th of Tevet, but what is the big idea behind the fast? While there are always a number of answers to the ame question, one of the ideas that was discussed really stuck with me. The idea that the 10th of Tevet is exactly 98 days after Rosh Hashanah, depending on how many days are in each month sometimes the 98th day can land on the 8th or 9th of Tevet as well, and there are 98 curses given in the Torah. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are times of judgement, but many people are unaware that the 10th of Tevet is also a time of judgement. It is the day in which it will be decreed whether or not the Beis Hamikdash (temple) will be rebuilt. It was the day on which it was decreed by H-shem that the Beis Hamikdash would be destroyed, which is the reason for the siege of Jerusalem, which eventually led to the destroying of the Beis Hamikdash. On this day of Asara B'Tevet, we have the ability to be judged by H-shem, and it is possible that He may decree that we start the period of time in which Moshiach comes and the Beis Hamikdash is rebuilt.
Chazal say that if you live in a time period where you do not get to live with the Beis Hamikdash, it is as if you lived in a period of time when the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed. I really got to thinking about this today, and I truly believe that with each action we perform, and each tefilla we daven we have the ability to get one step closer to Moshiach. We must always be aware that our actions matter, and especially on this day of Asara B'Tevet, H-shem is judging us, and the entire Jewish people rely on the judgement.
So may this Asara B'Tevet be the last in which we have to fast. May the next Asara B'Tevet be one with the Beis Hamikdash rebuilt, Moshiach and a large celebration commemorating the day!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
I'm baaaack!
Shalom from Yerushalayim! It has been about 5 months, but I am finally back in Yerushalayim for 3 weeks for my winter break, and nothing could be better. I am so thankful to have the support from my family so I am able to come to Eretz Yisrael so often. I didn't realize how much I needed this trip until I was actually back at Eyaht, but boy oh boy, did I really need this "shot of kedushah".
Being in America, I never actually realized how much I was getting sucked back into the every day secular world of going out, eating out, and doing not-so-kosher things. Although these things may seem small in comparison to things that I used to do, I was still being less holy and tznius than I should have been, and until I arrived back in Israel about a week ago, I did not even realize it. It is SO easy to simply go with the flow, eat that piece of non-kosher pizza, and just rely on the excuse that you're "growing". But it gets to a certain extent where you are stuck, and you're not growing anymore (Gd forbid); you are just holding yourself back. You are giving in to your yetzer hara, and going along with the flow of the non-frum world because it might seem like it is easier at the time. I cannot even believe that it has taken me five months and a plane ride across the world to realize that instead of being back in Bloomington growing, I have been in a constant battle with my yetzer hara, and as hard as this is to do, I will admit that my yetzer hara was winning. So if any of you have ever felt this way, don't feel like you're alone because I've totally been there!
Now that I've come to the realization that I really need to get my priorities in check and do a few things differently at home, even if they are a bit difficult, I feel stronger than ever. I feel empowered and confident that I will be able to overcome my yetzer hara, and as the great Rabbi Miller of Gateshead says, "Make differences where there are differences", and in a wonderful class given by his daughter this week, I learned that this means (I'm sure in a much less elegant way than my teacher gave it over, but I try to do her WONDERFUL teaching justice), when there is spirituality involved, we shouldn't be afraid to be different and make the differences that are necessary to make the spiritual more holy and meaningful.
As the week comes to a close, I hope you are all making differences wherever you are, and may you all have a wonderful and restful Shabbos!
Being in America, I never actually realized how much I was getting sucked back into the every day secular world of going out, eating out, and doing not-so-kosher things. Although these things may seem small in comparison to things that I used to do, I was still being less holy and tznius than I should have been, and until I arrived back in Israel about a week ago, I did not even realize it. It is SO easy to simply go with the flow, eat that piece of non-kosher pizza, and just rely on the excuse that you're "growing". But it gets to a certain extent where you are stuck, and you're not growing anymore (Gd forbid); you are just holding yourself back. You are giving in to your yetzer hara, and going along with the flow of the non-frum world because it might seem like it is easier at the time. I cannot even believe that it has taken me five months and a plane ride across the world to realize that instead of being back in Bloomington growing, I have been in a constant battle with my yetzer hara, and as hard as this is to do, I will admit that my yetzer hara was winning. So if any of you have ever felt this way, don't feel like you're alone because I've totally been there!
Now that I've come to the realization that I really need to get my priorities in check and do a few things differently at home, even if they are a bit difficult, I feel stronger than ever. I feel empowered and confident that I will be able to overcome my yetzer hara, and as the great Rabbi Miller of Gateshead says, "Make differences where there are differences", and in a wonderful class given by his daughter this week, I learned that this means (I'm sure in a much less elegant way than my teacher gave it over, but I try to do her WONDERFUL teaching justice), when there is spirituality involved, we shouldn't be afraid to be different and make the differences that are necessary to make the spiritual more holy and meaningful.
As the week comes to a close, I hope you are all making differences wherever you are, and may you all have a wonderful and restful Shabbos!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Updates and more Mazal Tovs!
Hello everyone! I feel like it's been a while since I posted, so I figured I'd just drop in to say hello. I just quickly want to shout out to the kallahs at Eyaht that have gotten married since I last posted and also to the many more girls from Eyaht and my friends around the world that have gotten engaged since I last posted!!
As the days keep passing, I am getting closer and closer to being a part of one of the most special simchas, my best friend's wedding! I actually met her at Jewel last December, and I could not be more excited for this time in her life. I'll definitely be posting about that after it happens! Also, as we get closer and closer to winter break here at Indiana University, I get closer and closer to returning to my favorite place in the word, Yerushalayim! December 13th is the day, and I will be there in time for Shabbos in Kiryat Sanz. I already have a place at the Shabbos table of a wonderful Eyaht Rebbetzin and her family, and I could not be more eager to get there.
All Shabbosim aside, I am just so ready to get a spiritual refresher this winter. While I daven and work every day in Bloomington to try and hold onto my spirituality and grow at the same time, it is obviously much more difficult to do this in a secular society. I cannot wait to get back to the place where holiness is everywhere you look.
That's really all for now. Looking forward to a completely kosher Thanksgiving dinner this year, all thanks to my wonderful, amazing father and step mom. It is so nice to know that I have them supporting me in all that I do. I can't wait to get home to them, and my dog of course! Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and have a wonderful break (even if it's only for the day).
As the days keep passing, I am getting closer and closer to being a part of one of the most special simchas, my best friend's wedding! I actually met her at Jewel last December, and I could not be more excited for this time in her life. I'll definitely be posting about that after it happens! Also, as we get closer and closer to winter break here at Indiana University, I get closer and closer to returning to my favorite place in the word, Yerushalayim! December 13th is the day, and I will be there in time for Shabbos in Kiryat Sanz. I already have a place at the Shabbos table of a wonderful Eyaht Rebbetzin and her family, and I could not be more eager to get there.
All Shabbosim aside, I am just so ready to get a spiritual refresher this winter. While I daven and work every day in Bloomington to try and hold onto my spirituality and grow at the same time, it is obviously much more difficult to do this in a secular society. I cannot wait to get back to the place where holiness is everywhere you look.
That's really all for now. Looking forward to a completely kosher Thanksgiving dinner this year, all thanks to my wonderful, amazing father and step mom. It is so nice to know that I have them supporting me in all that I do. I can't wait to get home to them, and my dog of course! Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and have a wonderful break (even if it's only for the day).
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
L'shana Haba'ah B'Yerushalayim!
Well, after making it through my first full Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and the first Yom Tov days of Sukkot, I can honestly say that being Orthodox at this time of year is truly special. It also requires some sacrifice, but definitely for good reason. After having to reschedule two exams, skip multiple classes, race to make it to Indianapolis (a wonderful community!) in time for candle lighting, and more I can vouch for many people when I say that this time of the year is a little hectic. But I sit here now reflecting on the past few weeks, and I would not have done it any other way. For the first time I was actually able to take time for introspection, reflect on the past year, and decide on aspects of myself that I want to work on in the coming year. I feel I was able to truly repent and seek forgiveness from people and friends who I have wronged.
In addition, the month of El Ul, the month preceding the High Holy Days, is also a time to be especially G-d fearing, as this is the main time for din (judgement) during the year. This year, more than ever, I feel that I was really able, through learning and my summer spent at EYAHT, to really encapsulate a fear/awe of H-shem and truly realize that He is the Creator, and that my future really is based on how He will inscribe me in the Book of Good Life. I used to think that Yom Kippur was just some day where we fasted to symbolize repentance. I now know that it is MUCH more than that. It is a real thing that we are all being judged by H-shem, and based on our teshuva, we have the ability to alter how we will be judged by our Creator.
In other words, I am looking forward to celebrating all of these chagim next year... (b'ezrat H-shem) IN JERUSALEM! That was something that really hit me hard during the holidays. It was such a surreal feeling to think that in just a year's time, I will hopefully be living in Yerushalayim, and having the Israeli/EYAHT experience of these holidays. It will definitely be different, but I am beyond excited.
Coming up on the Mazal Tov section...another friend from Israel became a Kallah! And my two friends who became Kallahs while I was in Israel this summer are getting married in the next few weeks!!! In addition, my best, best friend is a Kallah! and her wedding is coming up soon too!! So many simchas and Mazal Tovs that I am so thankful that I can enjoy and be a part of. If anyone has any suggestions for styles of tznius bridesmaid gowns, I'm looking! This is really just a wonderful time of year that has helped me to grow so much, and I hope that we can all continue to grow and have many simchas and mazal tovs! Enjoy your Chol Hamoed with your families and friends!
In addition, the month of El Ul, the month preceding the High Holy Days, is also a time to be especially G-d fearing, as this is the main time for din (judgement) during the year. This year, more than ever, I feel that I was really able, through learning and my summer spent at EYAHT, to really encapsulate a fear/awe of H-shem and truly realize that He is the Creator, and that my future really is based on how He will inscribe me in the Book of Good Life. I used to think that Yom Kippur was just some day where we fasted to symbolize repentance. I now know that it is MUCH more than that. It is a real thing that we are all being judged by H-shem, and based on our teshuva, we have the ability to alter how we will be judged by our Creator.
In other words, I am looking forward to celebrating all of these chagim next year... (b'ezrat H-shem) IN JERUSALEM! That was something that really hit me hard during the holidays. It was such a surreal feeling to think that in just a year's time, I will hopefully be living in Yerushalayim, and having the Israeli/EYAHT experience of these holidays. It will definitely be different, but I am beyond excited.
Coming up on the Mazal Tov section...another friend from Israel became a Kallah! And my two friends who became Kallahs while I was in Israel this summer are getting married in the next few weeks!!! In addition, my best, best friend is a Kallah! and her wedding is coming up soon too!! So many simchas and Mazal Tovs that I am so thankful that I can enjoy and be a part of. If anyone has any suggestions for styles of tznius bridesmaid gowns, I'm looking! This is really just a wonderful time of year that has helped me to grow so much, and I hope that we can all continue to grow and have many simchas and mazal tovs! Enjoy your Chol Hamoed with your families and friends!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The Book of Good Life
As we are already a ways into the Ten Days of Repentance, the time from when Rosh Hashanah begins until Yom Kippur, I have found myself thinking a lot about how to reflect on my not-so-proud moments of the past year, how to make them right, and how I can better myself for the future. I don't know about anyone else, but I have always found it difficult to apologize to someone. During this critical period, when apologizing for our misdeeds should be about as bountiful as blinking our eyes, I am finding myself having a difficult time remember who I have wronged and what I should repent for. I feel like I just need to apologize to everyone, but how impersonal is the "I'm sorry to everyone I've ever hurt" you see on someone's Facebook? Part of the deal is getting the person's forgiveness, and how can you do that through a one way social media post? I want to know that I am forgiven, and whether you think you are right or wrong, apologizing to and making amends with someone is a huge thing. I feel like H-shem realizes how hard it is, and we get rewarded for these difficult challenges.
On a different note, how can we know that we are sealed for a good year? How can we know if we are written to live or die? That is a question that I have been struggling with for a while now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the answer that I want. I guess there really isn't a way to know. I have come to the conclusion that our bitachon is what will get us through these times of confusion and doubt, and there are times when we just have to daven, daven, and daven some more that H-shem will write and seal us in the book of good life.
It is impossible for us to know where our path is headed. We may think we are going one way, and then end up doing something completely different. For example, I changed my major just before Shabbos (yes, as a senior in college), and now I am graduating a whole semester earlier than originally planned aka GOING TO ISRAEL!!! What a different route I am on than I thought I would be even 6 months ago! So while we do teshuva and ask H-shem that we be sealed for a good year, we must trust in Him that whatever happens is for the good and that all we can do is work on bettering ourselves and everything else will fall into place exactly how it's meant to be. G'mar chatima tova.
On a different note, how can we know that we are sealed for a good year? How can we know if we are written to live or die? That is a question that I have been struggling with for a while now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the answer that I want. I guess there really isn't a way to know. I have come to the conclusion that our bitachon is what will get us through these times of confusion and doubt, and there are times when we just have to daven, daven, and daven some more that H-shem will write and seal us in the book of good life.
It is impossible for us to know where our path is headed. We may think we are going one way, and then end up doing something completely different. For example, I changed my major just before Shabbos (yes, as a senior in college), and now I am graduating a whole semester earlier than originally planned aka GOING TO ISRAEL!!! What a different route I am on than I thought I would be even 6 months ago! So while we do teshuva and ask H-shem that we be sealed for a good year, we must trust in Him that whatever happens is for the good and that all we can do is work on bettering ourselves and everything else will fall into place exactly how it's meant to be. G'mar chatima tova.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Back in the Saddle
So it's been a while, but I've wanted to post again for a few days now, so here it goes. Everyone likes to think that when they come back from Israel they will keep up with everything that they started doing while they were in Israel. What I mean to say is that when we go to Israel we are all uplifted and are normally able to keep more mitzvos than we were in the past, at least that's how it is for me. The same held true with this past trip. I was learning on a frequent basis, davening more, etc. When I came home, I just knew that this was going to be the time that I would hold to all of these things and that nothing, not even my assimilated environment in Bloomington, IN could tear me away from the new mitzvos I had taken on and meant so much to me. While all these mitzvos are still VERY important to me, I will admit that coming back to the "real world" has been a bit of a shock. Every day is a challenge. Do I go out with my friends for brunch at 11 am even though I haven't had time to daven Shacharis yet? Or do I hold to my beliefs and say, "Can you please wait for me to go eat?" And if they say no, do I ditch the davening? Or do I forgo brunch? This kind of thing has been a daily struggle for me since I've been back, but figuring out where I am holding is a process. Baruch H-shem I feel much more confident and proud of my Judaism than the last time I returned from a trip to Israel. And this is definitely with great thanks to my time spent at EYAHT where I was instilled with so much pride and knowledge that has helped me to be holding where I am. When friends question what I wear, what I eat, or how I live my life, I have answers, and even if they don't like my answers, I am comfortable with myself and I trust in H-shem enough to know that I just have to do me, no matter what other people may think at times.
As I go on my daily bumpy road, I am grateful for the challenges that I am given. I know that with every challenge comes a greater reward, and with each difficulty I am able to overcome, with the help of my Rabbis, Rebbetzins, and H-shem, I know that I am doing the right thing.
I am learning Rabbi Dessler's Strive for the Truth with my Rabbi, and it talks about Behirah and free will. This section of the book feels so relevant to my life right now. Every Jewish-related decision I make involves behirah (choice) and my free will. Do I buy the yogurt at Kroger without a hechsher (a kosher symbol) even though it's cold dairy and that's where I'm holding right now? When I can say no and wait for the yogurt to be restocked with the hechshered yogurts (which I did this past week!), that is a decision that involves my free will that H-shem gave me. It is one of the reasons I am on this planet, to make free will decisions, and when I can raise my level of behirah then I know that I am moving in the right direction.
So in this month of El Ul as we are all trying to better ourselves, I am grateful to the people in my life that are supportive of me as I try to work on myself. Without your support and care, I would be no where.
As I go on my daily bumpy road, I am grateful for the challenges that I am given. I know that with every challenge comes a greater reward, and with each difficulty I am able to overcome, with the help of my Rabbis, Rebbetzins, and H-shem, I know that I am doing the right thing.
I am learning Rabbi Dessler's Strive for the Truth with my Rabbi, and it talks about Behirah and free will. This section of the book feels so relevant to my life right now. Every Jewish-related decision I make involves behirah (choice) and my free will. Do I buy the yogurt at Kroger without a hechsher (a kosher symbol) even though it's cold dairy and that's where I'm holding right now? When I can say no and wait for the yogurt to be restocked with the hechshered yogurts (which I did this past week!), that is a decision that involves my free will that H-shem gave me. It is one of the reasons I am on this planet, to make free will decisions, and when I can raise my level of behirah then I know that I am moving in the right direction.
So in this month of El Ul as we are all trying to better ourselves, I am grateful to the people in my life that are supportive of me as I try to work on myself. Without your support and care, I would be no where.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Jerusalem, if I forget you...
As my last few days in Israel, for the summer, wound down I started to get very anxious, nostalgic, and so many more mixed emotions about coming back to America, that I'm sure anyone who has ever left Israel at some point in their lives can relate to. Out of my three trips to Israel so far, this one definitely had the largest effect on my life, which was definitely one of the main reasons why I was so apprehensive to come home. With Bloomington and my family waiting for me, I knew that there was no choice to stay this time. But as I packed my bags, it was with a good feeling that H-shem would bring me back soon and that He will be with me wherever I am, even if it's not the holiest place in the world.
This summer has helped me gain such a stronger footing for knowing myself and understanding who I am and what my beliefs are. I could not be more thankful for the teachers I've learned from, the Shabbos tables I've had the privilege to be at, the numerous simchas and thrilling experiences Israel has a way of providing, the new and amazing friends I've made, and of course, my old and dear friends that have stayed with me. As I suspected, this summer was absolutely THE one for the books. Its comforting to know that H-shem reveals Himself to us everywhere, not just in Erez Yisrael. As soon as I stepped off the plane in the U.S., I waited quite a while (45 minutes) for my bag to come so I could go through customs. A woman next to me was complaining about the wait so I davened that she should get her bag soon. Not 3 seconds after I said that, my bag showed up. Proving the idea that when you daven for others, you are rewarded with what you want as well. Baruch H-shem, because I was sad and that sign from H-shem letting me know that no matter where in the world I am, He is always with me, made me realize that I'm going to be okay at home, until I can go back to Israel.
So as I sit here on my 5 hour layover in Newark, still a bit in denial about the fact that I'm back, I know that this knot in my throat and pit in my stomach will go away soon because Israel is not just a place, it's a feeling. And if you have the will, you can take that feeling with you anywhere. May H-shem, and Israel's spirit, be with all of us until we are reunited in Israel again soon.
This summer has helped me gain such a stronger footing for knowing myself and understanding who I am and what my beliefs are. I could not be more thankful for the teachers I've learned from, the Shabbos tables I've had the privilege to be at, the numerous simchas and thrilling experiences Israel has a way of providing, the new and amazing friends I've made, and of course, my old and dear friends that have stayed with me. As I suspected, this summer was absolutely THE one for the books. Its comforting to know that H-shem reveals Himself to us everywhere, not just in Erez Yisrael. As soon as I stepped off the plane in the U.S., I waited quite a while (45 minutes) for my bag to come so I could go through customs. A woman next to me was complaining about the wait so I davened that she should get her bag soon. Not 3 seconds after I said that, my bag showed up. Proving the idea that when you daven for others, you are rewarded with what you want as well. Baruch H-shem, because I was sad and that sign from H-shem letting me know that no matter where in the world I am, He is always with me, made me realize that I'm going to be okay at home, until I can go back to Israel.
So as I sit here on my 5 hour layover in Newark, still a bit in denial about the fact that I'm back, I know that this knot in my throat and pit in my stomach will go away soon because Israel is not just a place, it's a feeling. And if you have the will, you can take that feeling with you anywhere. May H-shem, and Israel's spirit, be with all of us until we are reunited in Israel again soon.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Diminishing our Happiness
Beginning with the 17th of the month of Tammuz, we started a period of the 3 weeks where we will progressively increase our state of mourning for the Beis HaMikdash until we reach Tisha B'Av, which commemorates the destruction of the first two temples. Unless, of course, Moshiach comes before then, and the Beis HaMikdash is rebuilt; then we will forever be in simcha! But until then, we are now in a period of mourning. I have especially felt this being in Erez Yisrael. Many of my classes revolve around the 3 weeks and the 9 days of even stricter mourning, and it has become so clear to me that we truly need to use this time to realize that all of the trials and tribulations in the world, even heat waves in the weather, would immediately be resolved if we would have the Beis HaMikdash back.
While we should constantly be praying for the return of the Beis HaMikdash and Moshiach, it seems that this period of diminished happiness is a time when it can constantly be on our minds. The halachas of this period pertain directly to events that happened when we had the Beis HaMikdash, and we refrain from doing them to remember why we are mourning. While some of the limitations during the 9 days may seem a little over the top to some people, such as not showering or doing laundry, it is with a certain mindset that one can truly begin to hit the tip of the iceberg in understanding how unbelievably tragic it really is that we are without the Beis HaMikdash. Eyaht has helped me realize that it is hard for us to actually feel the sadness of this loss because it is so far in our psst. We must take extreme measures in order to even begin to realize our sadness. So whether it is reading "To Vanquish the Dragon" by Pearl Benisch, sitting on the floor, not wearing clean clothing, or going to classes and learning about the Beis HaMikdash and the laws and the meanings behind these 9 days coming up, I believe it is so imperative for everyone to do what they can to mourn and remember exactly what all Jews are longing for.
May Moshiach come very soon and, please G-d, let this be the last time we are mourning for the Beis HaMikdash.
While we should constantly be praying for the return of the Beis HaMikdash and Moshiach, it seems that this period of diminished happiness is a time when it can constantly be on our minds. The halachas of this period pertain directly to events that happened when we had the Beis HaMikdash, and we refrain from doing them to remember why we are mourning. While some of the limitations during the 9 days may seem a little over the top to some people, such as not showering or doing laundry, it is with a certain mindset that one can truly begin to hit the tip of the iceberg in understanding how unbelievably tragic it really is that we are without the Beis HaMikdash. Eyaht has helped me realize that it is hard for us to actually feel the sadness of this loss because it is so far in our psst. We must take extreme measures in order to even begin to realize our sadness. So whether it is reading "To Vanquish the Dragon" by Pearl Benisch, sitting on the floor, not wearing clean clothing, or going to classes and learning about the Beis HaMikdash and the laws and the meanings behind these 9 days coming up, I believe it is so imperative for everyone to do what they can to mourn and remember exactly what all Jews are longing for.
May Moshiach come very soon and, please G-d, let this be the last time we are mourning for the Beis HaMikdash.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Simchas and Mitzvos
The past week at Eyaht has been a time of many simchas. One of our dear friends and, shall we say, glue of the school, got engaged! Can you say MAZEL TOV!? I could not be more thrilled to be here at such an exciting time, and I feel so fortunate to get to help out and participate in all of the simchas. As soon as we found out about the engagement, all the Eyaht girls were asking how they could help with the vort. Right up until the very last detail was taken care of, I did not see the girls stop taking care of our new Kallah. It is a wonderful time like this when one can truly see that Eyaht really is a family, and I have never seen people take care of each other, ever in my life, the way they do here.
You may already be able to guess, but, Baruch H-shem, there are mitzvos for a person to do everywhere. I have felt my eyes being especially open to the opportunities since I have been in Israel. H-shem put us here to do mitzvos, 613 of them, and He graciously throws them in the paths of our daily lives, whether we always choose to receive them or not. Not only does a simcha, like an engagement, give a large opportunity for mitzvos, but there truly are mitzvos everywhere. I feel that, thank Gd, I am constantly blessed with a mitzvah. I never realized how truly vital mitzvos are to our lives. They are what keeps us going, and they are our purpose for being here. That is huge. If not for that reason alone, everyone should be out doing mitzvos all day, just knowing that. I am so lucky that I am in a country where my mitzvos are handed to me. I'm in a place where people leave their trash outside their door so that I can have the mitzvah of helping another. Almost daily, I have the pleasure of crossing a small child across the street, and without even speaking a word, I like to think I've brightened their day. Giving tzedakah, helping a friend, and so many more not only brighten the lives of others, but truly brighten your neshama as well. I know I'm growing when I do what H-shem has put me here to do, and I am so thankful that I am finally in a place that is helping me understand the reasons why.
You may already be able to guess, but, Baruch H-shem, there are mitzvos for a person to do everywhere. I have felt my eyes being especially open to the opportunities since I have been in Israel. H-shem put us here to do mitzvos, 613 of them, and He graciously throws them in the paths of our daily lives, whether we always choose to receive them or not. Not only does a simcha, like an engagement, give a large opportunity for mitzvos, but there truly are mitzvos everywhere. I feel that, thank Gd, I am constantly blessed with a mitzvah. I never realized how truly vital mitzvos are to our lives. They are what keeps us going, and they are our purpose for being here. That is huge. If not for that reason alone, everyone should be out doing mitzvos all day, just knowing that. I am so lucky that I am in a country where my mitzvos are handed to me. I'm in a place where people leave their trash outside their door so that I can have the mitzvah of helping another. Almost daily, I have the pleasure of crossing a small child across the street, and without even speaking a word, I like to think I've brightened their day. Giving tzedakah, helping a friend, and so many more not only brighten the lives of others, but truly brighten your neshama as well. I know I'm growing when I do what H-shem has put me here to do, and I am so thankful that I am finally in a place that is helping me understand the reasons why.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Bitachon
Baruch H-shem! The past few weeks have been filled with so much learning, new adventures, friends, and excitement, that I have not had as much time to blog as I originally thought I would. As I am completely settled into my new summer home I have finally found a good wifi connection (hard to come by) and I am able to post!
My time spent at Eyaht has been nothing but wonderful. I have been sitting in some of the most inspirational and educational classes of my life: Halacha, tefillos, 48 ways, Medrash, just to name a few favorites. I really have learned so much, that I feel like my brain could explode, but H-shem knows that it is so important for me to know all that I am learningmthat He somehow does not let me get overwhelmed. I have also been fortunate enough to make some of the most amazing friends. The girls here are truly wonderful. They do not let me starve when I cannot light the gas stove, and they are always there to listen when I need to talk. They are true friends. In addition, the community here is something that I have never experienced before. I have loved becoming close with families in the community and spending time helping them in their homes. While they think that I am doing them so much chessed by holding their baby, really I am learning so much just by watching them in their homes.
Among all of the other amazing experiences I have had so far such as swimming in the Kineret, davening at Amuka, seeing the light show in Tiveria, and tubing in the Banyas, one of the biggest lessons that I believe gets more engraved into my heart by the day is learning to trust in H-shem. When the number 72 bus doesn't come for 30 minutes, and I really need to get to work, I have learned to leave my frustration behind, call the lady, and simply ask H-shem that the bus should come soon. Everything is in His hands, and I truly do not have control over anything. On the opposite spectrum, when something good and totally unexpected happens, like when I found 50 shekel in the street erev Shabbos, I can also appreciate and know that, this too, is from H-shem. Being at Eyaht has really made me see everything I do in my daily life with a new pair of eyes. My experience here has really made the world so much more beautiful to me, and I am so grateful. While it is true that I was becoming frum before now, I truly believe that without this aspect of total trust in H-shem that I really did not understand one of the most basic principles of Judaism. I can honestly say that I really think I was ignorant before, and I have really learned a crucial lesson here in the past few weeks, out of many others of course.
To conclude my first weeks as a sem girl, I am a seasoned bus rider, rav cav holder, I bought another pair of crocs, I bought 4 new skirts all at 50% off, fed cats on the street, taken out random people's garbage, sweat A LOT, not gotten my nails done!, I've made some friends for forever, learned some lessons for life, and many more. And to all this I truly say Baruch H-shem. Thank You, for leading me here, and blessing me with this priceless and life changing opportunity.
I'm off to take in more of this amazing place while I can. I hope that all of you will travel to Eretz Yisrael soon because there truly is no place in the world that can even compare.
My time spent at Eyaht has been nothing but wonderful. I have been sitting in some of the most inspirational and educational classes of my life: Halacha, tefillos, 48 ways, Medrash, just to name a few favorites. I really have learned so much, that I feel like my brain could explode, but H-shem knows that it is so important for me to know all that I am learningmthat He somehow does not let me get overwhelmed. I have also been fortunate enough to make some of the most amazing friends. The girls here are truly wonderful. They do not let me starve when I cannot light the gas stove, and they are always there to listen when I need to talk. They are true friends. In addition, the community here is something that I have never experienced before. I have loved becoming close with families in the community and spending time helping them in their homes. While they think that I am doing them so much chessed by holding their baby, really I am learning so much just by watching them in their homes.
Among all of the other amazing experiences I have had so far such as swimming in the Kineret, davening at Amuka, seeing the light show in Tiveria, and tubing in the Banyas, one of the biggest lessons that I believe gets more engraved into my heart by the day is learning to trust in H-shem. When the number 72 bus doesn't come for 30 minutes, and I really need to get to work, I have learned to leave my frustration behind, call the lady, and simply ask H-shem that the bus should come soon. Everything is in His hands, and I truly do not have control over anything. On the opposite spectrum, when something good and totally unexpected happens, like when I found 50 shekel in the street erev Shabbos, I can also appreciate and know that, this too, is from H-shem. Being at Eyaht has really made me see everything I do in my daily life with a new pair of eyes. My experience here has really made the world so much more beautiful to me, and I am so grateful. While it is true that I was becoming frum before now, I truly believe that without this aspect of total trust in H-shem that I really did not understand one of the most basic principles of Judaism. I can honestly say that I really think I was ignorant before, and I have really learned a crucial lesson here in the past few weeks, out of many others of course.
To conclude my first weeks as a sem girl, I am a seasoned bus rider, rav cav holder, I bought another pair of crocs, I bought 4 new skirts all at 50% off, fed cats on the street, taken out random people's garbage, sweat A LOT, not gotten my nails done!, I've made some friends for forever, learned some lessons for life, and many more. And to all this I truly say Baruch H-shem. Thank You, for leading me here, and blessing me with this priceless and life changing opportunity.
I'm off to take in more of this amazing place while I can. I hope that all of you will travel to Eretz Yisrael soon because there truly is no place in the world that can even compare.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Shabbat Shalom, Hey!
After a very powerful Shavuos experience in Boro Park, I was scheduled to spend the following Shabbos with my family in Ho-Ho-Kus, NJ. But since I have been trying to work on my Shabbos observance, the Rebbetzin from Shavuos approached me and suggested that I extend my stay in Boro Park until after Shabbos. Of course all the immediate issues came to the front of my mind: 1) Am I overstaying my welcome? Well, that isn't even a term that is used in religious Judaism. Of course, it was very hard for me to get over this. 2) What will my family say? I am supposed to spend Shabbos with them. Will they give me a hard time about coming 25 hours later than originally planned? The last thing I want to do is get my family upset with me.
With the help of many wonderful people, I realized that Shabbos is a day that I must keep, and I had to be brave and stand up for not only Shabbos but also what I believe in, and explain to my family that I would be coming a day later. Surprisingly, they were alright with it! I was so relieved! Baruch Hashem, I stood up for what I believed in, and Hashem helped me to keep Shabbos.
This past Shabbos was one of extreme significance in my life. I really feel that it was a true turning point in my religious growth, Baruch Hashem. I really feel that I have a new strength to keep the Sabbath even when there are struggles and the situation might not be ideal (aka 15 miles from a synagogue in Kentucky). Obviously, there are going to be trials and tribulations, but I am on my way. I believe that if we want to honor Hashem and the Sabbath enough, all we have to do is push ourselves a little bit each week and daven a little extra for it, and Hashem will truly help us. It is said that, "those who watch over the Shabbos, Hashem watches over them", and truly after only really struggling with this for less than a week, I do believe this to be true. May we all have the strength to stand up for Shabbos and may Hashem watch over us all in return.
With the help of many wonderful people, I realized that Shabbos is a day that I must keep, and I had to be brave and stand up for not only Shabbos but also what I believe in, and explain to my family that I would be coming a day later. Surprisingly, they were alright with it! I was so relieved! Baruch Hashem, I stood up for what I believed in, and Hashem helped me to keep Shabbos.
This past Shabbos was one of extreme significance in my life. I really feel that it was a true turning point in my religious growth, Baruch Hashem. I really feel that I have a new strength to keep the Sabbath even when there are struggles and the situation might not be ideal (aka 15 miles from a synagogue in Kentucky). Obviously, there are going to be trials and tribulations, but I am on my way. I believe that if we want to honor Hashem and the Sabbath enough, all we have to do is push ourselves a little bit each week and daven a little extra for it, and Hashem will truly help us. It is said that, "those who watch over the Shabbos, Hashem watches over them", and truly after only really struggling with this for less than a week, I do believe this to be true. May we all have the strength to stand up for Shabbos and may Hashem watch over us all in return.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
A Receiving of the Torah in Boro Park
The period of the Omer, the time between Pesach and Shavuos, is a time when we are supposed to be growing and preparing ourselves to receive the Torah. As I mentioned in my previous blog I had been having that normal, back to earth and reality, hard time when I returned from my past trip to Israel, and my Pesach experience really started to help me to get back on the right track again, Baruch Hashem. Anyways, I had been gearing up for Shavuos, and I was very much looking forward to the Chag, mostly because I was going to spend it with a wonderful family, that I have become very close with, in Boro Park. Knowing that I was going to have a true Shavuos experience made me even more excited for the holiday. Although I was a little worried about it being a 3 day Yom Tov due to the fact that it began motzei Shabbos, and I knew that my hair was going to be a complete grease ball, I still had no doubt that this Shavuos would be one for the books.
After arriving in Boro Park a few hours before Shabbos, I was ready to help anyway I could in the kitchen to prepare. I'm really trying to be more domestic and learn how to cook, etc. Although it took me about 40 minutes to chop up 8 cucumbers (I'm not exaggerating) I got the job done and felt like I was being somewhat helpful and contributing to the wonderful meals that we would have over Shabbos and Yom Tov. As Shabbos drew nearer, we continued fervently to finish our work in the kitchen. About 30 minutes prior to candle lighting we finally finished the days work and were able to go get freshened up for Shabbos. After digging through my suitcase I decided on an outfit that I thought would be special enough to welcome the Shabbos Bride. The week prior to Shavuos I spent a good amount of time in Forever 21 shopping for clothes that could be made tniustic and that would be nice for the Chag. I've been working on tnius for a while now, and it is a topic that deserves further discussion at a later time, but basically my clothes are very important to me. I want to give a good name (and face) to Jewish women everywhere. I believe we need to present ourselves in the way that Hashem wants us to be viewed. Therefore, one way I try to do this is by putting a lot of time into my outfits. Anyway, as candle lighting comes each week, I feel a sense of calm. I've really been working on making Shabbos and Yom Tov more meaningful for me for a while, and candle lighting is always a special thing for me. Have you ever watched a woman in her home light candles for her entire family? It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and it gives me such strength to light my own candles and daven to Hashem that my experience should be as meaningful as theirs. So like in a song I learned this Yom Tov, "The sun is going down, it's shining through the trees", and I was finally there. Nothing to worry about. Just me, Shabbos, and Shavuos for the next three days.
The days went by faster than I thought they'd would. I'll just quickly highlight some of my favorite and most meaningful points of the Chag. Can we PLEASE talk about that Dairy Kiddish??! UNREAL! I don't think it should be legal for someone to consume that amount of dairy unhealthiness in one sitting, and at that, twice in two days! I had to go all in! How couldn't I? From the blintzes to the iced coffee, all I can say is YUM! I davened Yizkor in shul. Although if you are unable to attend shul on the times of the year when the Yizkor service is davened, it is acceptable to daven at home, it was very special for me to daven with the Rebbetzin who I stayed with, in a shul. After lighting the memorial candle the night before, I felt like I was really doing my mother's neshama a great honor by doing this. I also met some of the most amazing people! Family members and friends of the family! Everyone that I met over the Yom Tov left such an impression, and really helped to make my days special. At some of the meals it was just the family and me, and I really felt like part of the family. Those were some of my favorite times. Even though much of the conversation was in Yiddish, where the only words I know now are sha (quiet) and, yeah that's all that comes to mind, I still felt like I was a true part of the table and was really included and welcomed.
Overall, the Yom Tov was amazing. I could not have asked to receive the Torah in a better way. Since Shavuos, I have been reunited with my best friends from my Jewel trip and have been eating all the wonderful hamburgers that NYC has to offer. The wonderful family invited me back to Boro Park to commemorate Shabbos with them this week, and I could not be looking any more forward to it. As my trip to Israel gets closer I feel more and more ready each day thanks to the wonderful people and experiences that I am afforded. As a Ba'alat Teshuva, truly one of the most important factors in our experiences is the people that we meet along the way, and so far, I consider myself to be the luckiest.
After arriving in Boro Park a few hours before Shabbos, I was ready to help anyway I could in the kitchen to prepare. I'm really trying to be more domestic and learn how to cook, etc. Although it took me about 40 minutes to chop up 8 cucumbers (I'm not exaggerating) I got the job done and felt like I was being somewhat helpful and contributing to the wonderful meals that we would have over Shabbos and Yom Tov. As Shabbos drew nearer, we continued fervently to finish our work in the kitchen. About 30 minutes prior to candle lighting we finally finished the days work and were able to go get freshened up for Shabbos. After digging through my suitcase I decided on an outfit that I thought would be special enough to welcome the Shabbos Bride. The week prior to Shavuos I spent a good amount of time in Forever 21 shopping for clothes that could be made tniustic and that would be nice for the Chag. I've been working on tnius for a while now, and it is a topic that deserves further discussion at a later time, but basically my clothes are very important to me. I want to give a good name (and face) to Jewish women everywhere. I believe we need to present ourselves in the way that Hashem wants us to be viewed. Therefore, one way I try to do this is by putting a lot of time into my outfits. Anyway, as candle lighting comes each week, I feel a sense of calm. I've really been working on making Shabbos and Yom Tov more meaningful for me for a while, and candle lighting is always a special thing for me. Have you ever watched a woman in her home light candles for her entire family? It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and it gives me such strength to light my own candles and daven to Hashem that my experience should be as meaningful as theirs. So like in a song I learned this Yom Tov, "The sun is going down, it's shining through the trees", and I was finally there. Nothing to worry about. Just me, Shabbos, and Shavuos for the next three days.
The days went by faster than I thought they'd would. I'll just quickly highlight some of my favorite and most meaningful points of the Chag. Can we PLEASE talk about that Dairy Kiddish??! UNREAL! I don't think it should be legal for someone to consume that amount of dairy unhealthiness in one sitting, and at that, twice in two days! I had to go all in! How couldn't I? From the blintzes to the iced coffee, all I can say is YUM! I davened Yizkor in shul. Although if you are unable to attend shul on the times of the year when the Yizkor service is davened, it is acceptable to daven at home, it was very special for me to daven with the Rebbetzin who I stayed with, in a shul. After lighting the memorial candle the night before, I felt like I was really doing my mother's neshama a great honor by doing this. I also met some of the most amazing people! Family members and friends of the family! Everyone that I met over the Yom Tov left such an impression, and really helped to make my days special. At some of the meals it was just the family and me, and I really felt like part of the family. Those were some of my favorite times. Even though much of the conversation was in Yiddish, where the only words I know now are sha (quiet) and, yeah that's all that comes to mind, I still felt like I was a true part of the table and was really included and welcomed.
Overall, the Yom Tov was amazing. I could not have asked to receive the Torah in a better way. Since Shavuos, I have been reunited with my best friends from my Jewel trip and have been eating all the wonderful hamburgers that NYC has to offer. The wonderful family invited me back to Boro Park to commemorate Shabbos with them this week, and I could not be looking any more forward to it. As my trip to Israel gets closer I feel more and more ready each day thanks to the wonderful people and experiences that I am afforded. As a Ba'alat Teshuva, truly one of the most important factors in our experiences is the people that we meet along the way, and so far, I consider myself to be the luckiest.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
In the beginning...
As I sit here trying to figure out exactly how I want this blog to go, I have a few things in mind. I really want to do my journey justice. I want to tell about my ups and downs on my journey back to Hashem, while at the same time shedding a little bit of humor on certain situations because that is just the kind of person that I am. So let me first give you the quick and abbreviated story of how I got to where I am today.
Last May I went on Birthright with Aish HaTorah and my campus Rabbi, Rabbi Seth, who I am sure will be mentioned many more times throughout this blog as he and his wife, Lisa, are two of the biggest reasons I decided to embark on my spiritual journey. As we travelled throughout Israel, the Golan Heights, the Dead Sea, etc it was all really cool, but nothing was really AWESOME until we got to Jerusalem. Now you're thinking, here we go, another one of those "Jerusalem diseased" girls who just can't get enough of the place. Well, if that bothers you, you may want to stop reading because it's true. I LOVE JERUSALEM!! I knew from the moment we drove down the winding roads and "Jerusalem" by Matissyahu was playing on the radio of the bus. Anyway, much more about the place that I truly consider home later. So I come home from Birthright completely frummed out and I haven't touched a boy since...KIDDING. But I did come home with a lot of questions that Rabbi Seth was more than happy to answer. I began learning at the beginning of the school year and my interest completely took off. Throughout my time spent with the Cook family, Shabbas at their home, and the new values about Judaism that I was learning, Orthodox Judaism was becoming more interesting to me, and it felt as though it was calling to me. I really was reconnecting, and it was wonderful. I was fortunate to go on Jewel for Women in December where more clarification happened, and I really decided that this was the path that I would be going on for the rest of my life. Returning to secular Bloomington, Indiana from Jewel was HARD. This was one of those times where our Yetzer Hara really pulls at us. It is easier to forgo davening and to wear whatever we want. I felt guilty about it, but I hoped that Hashem would help me get through this difficult time. Something happened when Pesach rolled around. It is hard to put into words, but I spent the chag with some amazing people and had somewhat of a spiritual rebirth. I was ready to be taken out of Egypt and to be freed from what had been holding me back for the past few months. Going into the period of the Omer I was ready to grow again and to get ready to receive the Torah. Now, with the help of G-d, I am getting ready to go to Israel for the 3rd time in a year; my Dad has let me become an El Al frequent flyer...IT IS AWESOME!
Basically that is the incredibly up to date story of my Jewish life at this point. Sorry if it wasn't as abbreviated as you may have liked. They will not all be like that! Anywhooo, I hope you will follow me on my journey to Eretz Yisrael and EYAHT this summer. I could not be more excited for this next chapter in my life, and I am counting down the days until I can finally turn the page for it to begin.
Last May I went on Birthright with Aish HaTorah and my campus Rabbi, Rabbi Seth, who I am sure will be mentioned many more times throughout this blog as he and his wife, Lisa, are two of the biggest reasons I decided to embark on my spiritual journey. As we travelled throughout Israel, the Golan Heights, the Dead Sea, etc it was all really cool, but nothing was really AWESOME until we got to Jerusalem. Now you're thinking, here we go, another one of those "Jerusalem diseased" girls who just can't get enough of the place. Well, if that bothers you, you may want to stop reading because it's true. I LOVE JERUSALEM!! I knew from the moment we drove down the winding roads and "Jerusalem" by Matissyahu was playing on the radio of the bus. Anyway, much more about the place that I truly consider home later. So I come home from Birthright completely frummed out and I haven't touched a boy since...KIDDING. But I did come home with a lot of questions that Rabbi Seth was more than happy to answer. I began learning at the beginning of the school year and my interest completely took off. Throughout my time spent with the Cook family, Shabbas at their home, and the new values about Judaism that I was learning, Orthodox Judaism was becoming more interesting to me, and it felt as though it was calling to me. I really was reconnecting, and it was wonderful. I was fortunate to go on Jewel for Women in December where more clarification happened, and I really decided that this was the path that I would be going on for the rest of my life. Returning to secular Bloomington, Indiana from Jewel was HARD. This was one of those times where our Yetzer Hara really pulls at us. It is easier to forgo davening and to wear whatever we want. I felt guilty about it, but I hoped that Hashem would help me get through this difficult time. Something happened when Pesach rolled around. It is hard to put into words, but I spent the chag with some amazing people and had somewhat of a spiritual rebirth. I was ready to be taken out of Egypt and to be freed from what had been holding me back for the past few months. Going into the period of the Omer I was ready to grow again and to get ready to receive the Torah. Now, with the help of G-d, I am getting ready to go to Israel for the 3rd time in a year; my Dad has let me become an El Al frequent flyer...IT IS AWESOME!
Basically that is the incredibly up to date story of my Jewish life at this point. Sorry if it wasn't as abbreviated as you may have liked. They will not all be like that! Anywhooo, I hope you will follow me on my journey to Eretz Yisrael and EYAHT this summer. I could not be more excited for this next chapter in my life, and I am counting down the days until I can finally turn the page for it to begin.
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